So that I may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind...

I take a deep breath. My heart is going about a million beats a second, and that's rounding down. I have it all planned out. Everything is perfect. There's nothing I don't have planned out. All I have to do is say those words I have planned out. But it's a lot harder than it seems. My palms have already become sweaty and my knee bounces so sporatically, it hits the desk in front of me. Just do it, Bob. What are you waiting for? You have come to the point where you are tired of the bullshit and you don't care as much about the outcome. So what if she says no? The same effect as if you didn't say anything at all. Who are you bullshitting? You dread that rejection. Yes, ultimately it's the same as if you had said nothing, but if you had said nothing you don't have worry about the weird looks afterards, the awkardness, not to mention that hope of maybe in the future is just shot to Hell. But you made it this far. Don't chicken out now.

Take another deep breath, and just do it. And I hit enter for it to be sent over AIM. And that was just over the internet. If I had been looking her in the face through this all... But then, she would have to look me in the face and say no. Maybe it was better like this. Less pressure on her. I don't want her to feel a bunch of pressure at all. She doesn't need that. Take a deep breath and wait for her reply.

But it takes forever, or at least it seems. Glance down at the clock, it must have been 20 minutes ago. Or maybe just 2. It's hard to tell when you heart goes crazy. You begin to worry. What on earth could take her this long to say yes? Unles she isn't saying yes... But you don't want to even think about that. Why would she say no? You left it a no pressure situation. You even outlined how you simply just wanted to get to know her better, that there was no pressure on her for anything. That this was simply a first date. She doesn't have to worry about a thing, just out to have a good time and talk a bit--a gentleman never kisses on the first date anyway. You even mentioned that. There were no expectations. What could she possibly worry about that would cause her to say no?

Finals.

Damn those finals coming up. Apparently she feels she really needs to concentrate on finals. All weekend. I never studied all weekend for finals, and if I did I think I would go crazy without a nice break, but then I am not a good measure on that. She has good priorities straight. Good. I like that. But maybe I could provide a good break from all that crazy studying. I know if I were her, I could use that.

So I offer just that, and make sure I mention that I would not tak her away from her studies very long. Now more of that stuff that I hate. Waiting. God, I hate to wait, especially when it comes to this. Maybe I really should have done this in person. There normally there isn't all this waiting for so long. No, instead there are long awkward pauses. I'm not sure which are worse. But I know this is driving me crazy wondering what's going through her head. Maybe she's just distracted with homework. That would make me feel a lot better about it all. But I still don't like this waiting and waiting. But there is an answer.

So I guess she can't be taken away from her studies at all this weekend. Well this isn't a total no, or is it? Yes, it crossed my mind and it doesn't want to leave. That's how history rolls. So many girls have not been honest with me, so I begin to question whether or not she means what she says or if she doesn't even really want to give me a chance, or if there is something else that scares her. Why can't girls just be upfront? You are worried about hurting my feelings, but it hurts so much more for you to bullshit me. Just remember, the truth will come out. I'd rather it come from you. The best breakup I've ever had was when the girl straight up told me she had no feelings for me. That hse had been dating me for a month and if she didn't have feelings for me now, she doubted she ever would. Plus there was a guy that wanted to date her and she wanted to date him and see where that went. Yes, that was a smack in the face and blow to the ego, but rather refreshing. I couldn't argue with that. I didn't leave wondering what had happened. She was completely honest with me. And I can totally take that. In fact I loved it. And I am still good friends with her.

But this time, what was the case? Was she tring to spare my feelings and probably hurting me more? Or was she simply busy and would give it a shot later? Not sure. But that's life I guess. If I had the answers and wasn't confused, it would probably be because I was dead and in heaven. So the mystery lives on, just with new questions to ponder and investigate.